Shinji vs Hideaki Anno
by Author0fntent
Summary: What happens when Shinji unexpectedly sees the live-action movie audience during Instrumentality?


*Disclaimer: I own zilch of Gainax, Paramount, or Nickelodeon. That's the reality of it. Deal with it.*

It had finally happened. Shinji Ikari was caught in the maelstrom of Instrumentality, an unwitting pawn now with unfathomable power thrust upon him, the fate of humanity in his hands. He'd been trying to comprehend it all, in conversation with many of the people in his life whose hearts and minds he could now touch. Currently he was engaged with Rei/Lilith in a 'debate' on reality and dreams...

Suddenly, something caught Shinji's attention out of the corner of his eye. He turned and looked our way. Before him was a movie theater, full of people. It suddenly hit him: they'd been watching him, and everything going on, the entire time.

The audience reacted with shock as they saw the now-aware Shinji looking at them through the screen.

Shinji: "Wh-WHAT? What's going on here? Who are all these people?"

This development was not lost on a surprised Rei/Lilith, eyes wide with surprise and her mouth growing small with embarrassment.

Rei/Lilith [pinching the bridge of her nose]: "Oh, dammit-I must be slipping. *SIGH* I was afraid this would happen if my powers went too far. Guess there is no point then...Shinji, I may have accidentally broken the Fourth Wall."

Shinji: "Fourth Wall? What the hell is that?"

Rei/Lilith: "It is what separates our world from the 'real world'. What you are looking at right now? That is the real world. To everybody in it, we are all characters of fiction. We exist in an animated production."

Shinji: "Wait wait wait-let me get this straight. I'm a cartoon, and all YOU people have been watching me go through the wringer the entire time...And nobody here thought to do ANYTHING about it?"

The audience members looked at one another, perplexed at his question. A few shrugged their shoulders.

Shinji face-palmed, a look of consternation on his face. Soon that expression shifted to anger.

Shinji: "All right, someone here tell me-who's the moron responsible for all this?!"

The audience then became nervous, unsure of what he'd do next, until finally one member stood up and answered his question.

Audience member: "Um...Hideaki Anno. He did it."

Shinji: "Thank you-where can I find him?"

At a nicely-furnished apartment in downtown Tokyo, Hideaki Anno was resting after a long day in the animation studio. It'd been grueling putting the finishing touches on _The End of Evangelion_, and he was looking forward to a nice scotch before bed. Just when he was about to remove the top on the bottle, he heard a knock at the door.

Anno: "Now who could that be at this ungodly hour...?"

Reluctantly, Anno walked over to his front door and opened it. As expected, a look of total shock appeared on his face the minute he saw who was on the other side: his own character, Shinji Ikari. And he did NOT look happy at all.

Shinji: "Are you Hideaki Anno?"

Anno: "...Uh...Yes?"

Shinji [rolling up his sleeves as he stepped forward]: "Here's a little something you've had coming for a long time..."

As soon as the door slammed shut, the only sounds that could be heard as far as the next few blocks were those of creation giving creator a royal beating, accented by swearing and yells of pain. After a good fifteen minutes, the noise ceased and Anno's door opened. Shinji walked out with a much sunnier expression, whistling as he headed back to the theater. Meanwhile, Anno lay in a crumpled heap in the middle of his living room floor.

Anno [bleary-sounding]: "...That's it. I should've gone into accounting..."

He then passed out, exhausted.

Shinji made it back to the theater and promptly jumped back onto the screen, much to the astonishment of the audience and Rei/Lilith.

Rei/Lilith: "Shinji-what did you just do?"

Shinji: "Gave someone a well-deserved comeuppance."

Rei/Lilith [realizing the gravity of what he just said]: "...OH, CRAP."

Shinji: "Now then, since you essentially gave me control over the whole shebang, what shall my first act of divinity be?...I know: as of right now, Instrumentality is cancelled. Suck it, SEELE!"

Shinji then snapped his fingers, and the big, psychedelic, pretentious religious symbolism-laced visual spectacle vanished, and the world returned to normal, as if nothing had happened. He had also transported himself, Rei, and a restored and healthy Asuka to the edge of Lake Ashi. Asuka, dumbfounded, looked to find herself all healed up, and in her yellow sundress instead of her plugsuit.

Asuka: "...WHAT the f*$%# just happened?"

Shinji: "I just put everything back the way it was, with a few key differences. No Angels, no EVAs, no LCL. (_And no me making that incredibly stupid decision in the hospital at the start of the film._) Just people and animals, living their lives, regardless of whatever pain comes their way. We all should be doing that. It's actually not so bad, now that I think about it. That goes for you too Rei."

Rei [shocked, looking our way]: "...I know this is supposed to be part of my character, but I'm damn speechless."

Asuka: "That makes two of us."

Shinji: "Ladies, I think what I'm trying to say is, we all could use a fresh start here. Go on ahead, I'll catch up in a sec."

Reluctantly, the two girls looked at Shinji, then each other, shrugged, and then started walking off to the right of the screen, an odd sense of calm befalling them as a couple of small smiles formed on their faces. Once the two were out of sight, Shinji looked back at the live-action audience one last time.

Shinji: "Just borrowing a little something from the great Jim Carrey. *AHEM*...In case I don't see ya-good afternoon, good evening, and good night. *Mild chuckle* Yeah..."

Shinji then walked off in the same direction as Asuka and Rei, as the screen soon faded to black. The lights went back on in the theater, as the audience sat there, confused beyond belief.

Audience member 1: Want some more popcorn?

Audience member 2: Nah, I'm good.

AM1: So, what else is playing?

AM2: Yeah, let's see what else is playing.

AM1: Which way to the marquee?

END.

***Author's Note***

**This little bit was written following my first-time viewing of **_**End of Evangelion**_**, one of the most abysmally-depressing movies I have ever seen (and gross in a few places). So, with a bit of inspiration from **_**The Truman Show**_** and the last few minutes of the "Big Superhero Wish" episode of **_**The Fairly Oddparents**_**, I decided to sic a rightly-furious Shinji on the true author of his, and his universe's, misery. Call it cathartic, call it therapeutic, your mileage will vary.**


End file.
